Challenging Your Thinking

 Lately, my therapy sessions have been about self-care, and challenging my thinking. I decided, that for my November non-fiction book, I would re-read Soul Care by Debra Fileta. This book is amazing at helping you to know what true, biblical self-care is, and why it’s important. This morning I was reading in chapter 4, and something really stuck out to me. Not only did it stick out, but it reached out, and gave me a big jab. So much so that I had to say, “ouch!” This is the quote “Do you realize that, in a way, you’re continuing the cycle of abuse?” I gently confronted him one day in our sessions. “Except instead of being abused by your stepdad, you’re the one abusing yourself.” What she was saying to her client here, is that he was continuing the cycle of abuse, except he became the abuser, and was continuing to abuse himself by pushing himself too much, and not practicing self-care. I realized that I was doing the exact same thing. I was continuing the cycle of abuse, except I had become my abusers. 

   Next the chapter whet on to ask, “What is your why?” This is a very popular question, asking why are you doing what you do? Usually this question is meant to help you to not give up, and give you encouragement in hard times. In this context, this question is asking, why are you continuing the abuse of yourself? What is the script going through your head that keeps you doing this? Debra Fileta gives several reasons why someone might continue the abuse in themselves. “For you, it might be the motivation to please the people around you, the fear of abandonment or rejection, an attempt at avoiding conflict and pursuing peace, or the fear of losing relationships. It could be that you believe you must be the one to fix things for everyone around you, because if you don’t do it, no one else will. Maybe you grew up taking care of everyone else and never truly learned how to care for yourself. Maybe deep down you believe it’s selfish to focus on your needs and desires because that’s what you were told by someone significant in your life.” I think most of these are my why. Really, what this is saying, is that trauma is what keeps us stuck in the cycle of abuse. We must heal from our trauma, in order to stop the abuse, but we also must stop the abuse, in order to heal from the trauma. It’s kinda a catch twenty-two here.

   This is where challenging your thinking comes in. Something I told my therapist the other day is that “it’s not the end of the world if things don’t get done the way I think they should be done.” This is an important sample of challenging your thinking. It’s so hard to let go of things though. Especially when it’s so engrained in you. Another example would be the fact that rest is morally neutral, and it does not have to be earned. You shouldn’t ask yourself “have I done enough to be able to rest?” Your questions to yourself should, instead, be, “what does my body need right now? What do I need right now?” This is another extremely hard concept, especially when you have gone so much of your life being told you’re lazy because you are resting. One of my not so favorites is “if you have time to lean you have time to clean”. That is so wrong! Again, rest is morally neutral, and is NOT supposed to be earned. There are many thoughts of mine that need to be challenged. It’s hard to challenge them, and to really stop and work my way out of the rut those thoughts have trapped me in. I do, however, know that it is extremely important to challenge my thinking, and it is worth it. 

   Even the Bible tells us to challenge our thinking. Romans 12:2 says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” We must renew our minds, daily, by challenging our thinking, and replacing those wrong thought patterns with God’s truth. Believing what the world tells us will do nothing but drag us down, and lead to burnout. God’s truth is refreshing, and energizing. Yes, it will require a lot of hard work, but it will be so worth it. I hope you all have a great weekend. 

Beauty in the Ashes

    It’s been awhile since I have wrote about the name of this blog, and why I chose it. I have several new followers, so I decided to write about the name again. First, a little background information. About 15 years ago, wow has it really been that long, I was invited on a spiritual retreat with a friend. It was a weekend of praising and worshiping God, praying, and studying scripture. During that weekend, I was praying, and being prayed for, when a woman came up to me and spoke Isaiah 61:3 over me. This says,  “To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” I immediately fell in love with that verse, and it became one of my life verses, although I didn’t really know what it meant at the time. I still don’t fully understand the whole verse, but the phrase, “beauty for ashes” means a lot to me now. Another life verse of mine is Romans 8:28, which says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” The beauty in the ashes, is the good in all things. It’s the good that comes from the bad. I remember a story that Mr. Rogers told about when he was little l, and he saw bad stuff on the news. His mom always told him to look for the helpers, you will always find someone who is helping. Those helpers are the beauty in the ashes. 

   As many of you know, right now our government is in the midst of the longest running shut down in the history of keeping track of it. With that shut down has also come the cessation of SNAP benefits. Just in my county in Alabama, I have seen several restaurants offering free kids meals to children in need. I have seen businesses, individuals, and churches giving money, and food to give to those affected by the SNAP no longer being available. I have seen people step up and say, “ nobody will go hungry on our watch” This, my friends, is the beauty in the ashes of it. I have had a lot of bad happen in my life. I could choose to wallow in it, but instead I choose to look for the good. I don’t always see the good, but I know it’s there because God promised that it would be there. Sometimes I have to stop and pray, and ask God to show me the good, and He almost always does. 

   If you know me, then you know that I love the phoenix bird. Yes, it’s a mythical bird, but it symbolizes beauty in the ashes for me. A phoenix is one of the most beautiful birds, and when it dies, it bursts into flames. From the ashes of those flames, it is reborn into a baby phoenix, not particularly very pretty yet, but it will grow into a beautiful bird once again. Not only is this a beautiful picture of beauty in the ashes, but it is also a beautiful picture of Jesus coming to Earth as fully God, but also fully man, dying on the cross, being laid in the grave, and 3 days later, He rose from the grave alive, and beautiful as our Savior. Yes, OUR Savior! He died and rose again for me, and for you, my friend. If you don’t have a personal relationship with our Savior, you can at any time. If you want to talk with me about it, or if you have any questions, then drop a comment below and we can chat. I may not have the answers you need, but I promise to do my best to find them. My prayer today is that you will come to know Jesus as your personal Savior and friend. Have an amazing day. 

How to Survive and Even Thrive During the Holidays

    This past week, well week and a half really, has been crazy busy! This time of year is usually very busy, for the majority of us. I sat down at my therapist’s office, last week, and immediately started telling her that I needed help coping with the busy. I’m the type of person who gets very overwhelmed, and overstimulated, if I have to go out of the house more than once or twice a week. So far I have survived 11 days straight of having to go somewhere. Thankfully, today I get to stay home, and rest,  but I have an emergency dental appointment tomorrow. My therapist told me that, to be able to survive, and even thrive, the rest of this year, I needed to focus heavily on self-care. Mainly nutrition, hydration, movement, and rest, but definitely other forms of self-care also. 

   That meeting with my therapist was on Wednesday of last week, and I, immediately, started implementing self-care strategies. I made sure that I ate good, nutritious meals, and did my best to stay hydrated. I also decided to put off some items on my to-do list, that didn’t have to be done. Hopefully, this week will be a little less chaotic, but I’m gearing up for more chaos in the coming weeks. We are in full Operation Christmas Child mode at the moment. For those who may not know what Operation Christmas Child is, it is a of Samaritan’s Purse, where people pack shoeboxes full of practical, and fun items, and those shoeboxes are sent to children around the world. Those children also get told the good news of Jesus Christ, and are invited to a 12 week discipleship class. My husband and I are the project leaders, for Operation Christmas Child, at our church, and our church is a drop off location. A drop off location brings in packed shoeboxes, from individuals, and others churches, and sets them on their way to be given to children around the world. Collection week is coming up November 17- 24 and we have so much to do before then. Last year I really struggled through collection week, because I didn’t prioritize self-care. This year, I’m starting self-care early, so I don’t run myself so ragged like last year. 

   Of course after Operation Christmas Child collection week, we have Thanksgiving, and then Christmas. So much is going on that self-care is so important. Other than nutrition, hydration, movement, and rest, I’m also going to be putting some things on the back burner, that aren’t as important. I’m going to focus on staying close to God, and abiding in Him, so that He will carry me through this busy season.     Relationships are also something that needs to be prioritized. Community is so important, especially when we are going through rough times. It’s so important to have others who will love on us, and pray for us. I’m also going to focus on getting my thoughts, and feelings out. When we are overwhelmed, or have overwhelming thoughts, we will find that, if we can get them out, they don’t have as much of a hold on us. So I journal, I blog, and I talk with friends and family. Also, one of the most important aspects of self-care is gratitude. Name 3 things, daily, that you are thankful for. Be as specific as possible. It definitely helps your mindset when you focus more on what you do have, and less on what you don’t have. I hope you all will join me in surviving, and even thriving, this holiday season by implementing self-care. Self-care is so important all year round, but it is especially important during busy, and chaotic seasons in life. Have a great, and thankful day my friends.