I AM Good Enough

  One very common symptom of CPTSD is feeling as if you aren’t good enough. There are so many things that can trigger this feeling. This is something I often struggle with, and lately I have been struggling with it a lot. Usually, I can brush off one or two triggering instances, but lately it seems there's been an avalanche of triggers. Not only that, but I haven’t been doing a very good job of advocating for myself or setting good boundaries. For these reasons, I have really been struggling lately. I have been drowning in a sea of “not good enough”.

  The other day, as I was putting clothes into the washing machine, I was thinking about how the many triggers have made me fall right back into the “not good enough” trap, and how hard it is to get out of it. I felt God tell me that He thought I was good enough, He thought I was good enough to die for, and that really hit me. That is what I’m going to hold on to when those “not good enough” triggers hit me like a freight train. I’m going to remind myself that Jesus thought I was good enough to die for, and I challenge you to remember this as well. Will I still fall into the “not good enough” trap? Yes, I probably will, but with this reminder, it will be much easier to pull myself out of that trap, and much easier to remind myself that I am good enough.

“To console those who mourn in Zion. To give them beauty for ashes. The oil of joy for mourning. The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.”

Isaiah 61:3

Perfectionism is Not Good For Our Mental Health

 Perfectionism and not allowing yourself to make mistakes are very bad for your mental health. It took me way too long to realize this, and it caused a lot of damage that I am now trying to undo. Why is it bad for your mental health? Because nobody is perfect, except Jesus, so we ended up beating ourselves up and making ourselves feel like we aren’t good enough. Mistakes are how we learn. When we don’t allow ourselves to make mistakes or to own up to them, we don’t learn from them or grow. We then become stagnant, and stagnation becomes stinky and is unhealthy.

           As KC Davis, LPC, author of How to Keep House While Drowning and Who Deserves Your Love, says, “good enough is perfect”. I’m not saying be lazy, but we don’t have to wear ourselves out or stress ourselves out striving for something unattainable and detrimental to our health. If all you have to give today is 80%, and you give that 80%, then you have given 100 %. Let’s be kind, gracious, and compassionate to ourselves. God knows that we aren’t perfect, after all, He did create us. He knows that we aren’t perfect, so He allows us to learn from the imperfect, from the mistakes that we make, from the mess-ups in our lives. And that, my friends, is the beauty in the ashes of it.

“To console those who mourn in Zion. To give them beauty for ashes. The oil of joy for mourning. The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.”

Isaiah 61:3

Trauma

 Psalm 139:13-16 says,” For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.” God knows us better than we even know ourselves because He made us. He knows our bodies and how they function because He made them.

           When we experience trauma, it changes how our brains function, and it rewires our nervous system. This is why trauma causes such lasting and debilitating symptoms. Depression, anxiety, PTSD, C-PTSD, dissociative disorders, and so many other mental health issues can be triggered by trauma.  These things cannot just be switched off or easily fixed, and struggling with mental health issues does not mean that you are a bad Christian. What it does mean is that you need healing. Can God heal you instantly? Absolutely! God can do anything, but healing usually takes a lot of work on your part and progresses slowly. God knows this because God made us. He isn’t sitting up in Heaven on His throne judging us because of our mental health struggles. He isn’t waiting to zap us with a lightning bolt because we are having an anxiety attack. What He is doing is whispering, “Come to Me, child, and I will help you through this.” Mental health struggles are hard! Thankfully, we have a loving God Who understands and Who will help us through them. I have also found that, through my mental health healing journey, I have learned so much and been able to interact with and help others who are going through similar situations. This wouldn’t have happened without the healing journey. And that is the beauty in the ashes of it.

“To console those who mourn in Zion. To give them beauty for ashes. The oil of joy for mourning. The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.”

In Training for a Marathon

             I was talking with my therapist about getting ready for classes for my psychology degree to start and how I may or may not be able to start classes this Summer. She said something like, if I don’t start classes this Summer, I can use this time to prepare, like training for a marathon. I thought, “that’s exactly it! I’m training for a marathon!” Because that’s exactly what pursuing becoming a licensed professional counselor will be like, it will be like a marathon. So I did what I usually do, and I embodied my inner Hermione Granger, “When in doubt go to the library” or in my case Google, and I Googled how to train for a marathon, then I prayed and asked God how to apply that to preparing to start classes and starting classes. Here is what I came up with.

Step one is to follow a plan. I have a basic plan set up and I will tweak it as necessary as I go along. My planner is my lifeline so I’m going to use it to keep me from getting overwhelmed and to keep me on track. Step two is start slow. I have had several people tell me to not take on a full load of classes, especially the first semester. I was going to be stubborn, as usual, and not listen to them. I realized I needed to listen to them so I’m going to start slow. I also figured out a way to take a full load without taking all of the classes at the same time. Step three is to prioritize rest, or in other words BOUNDARIES. I am still struggling with this, but I’m going to do better. I cannot keep running myself until my body makes me rest. Boundaries and rest are biblical and important. Step four is fuel appropriately. Make nutrition and hydration a priority. This is especially important for me because of all the chronic health issues that I have. Step five is getting proper gear. I honestly struggled with this one and how it fit into my situation. Then I realized what the gear is, it’s the Armor of God. When I am properly clothed with the armor of God daily, I can face anything the enemy throws at me.

     So now that I realize that I’m in training for a marathon, and I have my steps for my training, I can move forward however and whenever God decides to move me forward. I’m excited and eager for this marathon, and a little impatient, but I know that God’s timing is perfect. God is preparing me and teaching me in the waiting. And that is the beauty in the ashes of it.

           

“To console those who mourn in Zion. To give them beauty for ashes. The oil of joy for mourning. The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.”

Isaiah 61:3

 

 

Mental Health Awareness in the Church

             May is mental health awareness month, so a lot of my blog posts and Facebook posts will focus on mental health this month. One thing I want to talk about is the stigma in the church about mental health. Church should be the safest place to go when we are dealing with any issue, but it seems there are so many issues, mental health included, where the church is the least safe place to go. This is extremely sad to me, and it shouldn’t be this way. When a person is struggling with mental health issues, he or she should not be shamed or told to be quiet by the church.

            Jesus didn’t shame anyone when He was here on Earth. Yes, He confronted people but never shamed them. On top of that having mental health issues is nothing to be ashamed about anyways. There are so many reasons that a person can have mental health issues, some are biological issues, some are nutritional deficiencies, and some are for reasons we just don’t know. When you find yourself in the company of someone facing mental health issues, take some time to sit down with that person and have a talk. Not only will that help you to understand the situation better, but it will also help that person to feel valued and heard. This is more along the lines of being the hands and feet of Jesus than shaming is.

            Many people say that a person shouldn’t be open about their mental health struggles. Why not? The Bible is full of people sharing their struggles. The book of Psalms is full of David crying out to God in his depression and anxiety. In 1 Kings 19 Elijah gets so depressed he tells God that he just wants to die. In Ecclesiastes Solomon wrestles with the meaning of life. In the book of Jeremiah, he becomes known as the weeping prophet because he is grieving over the destruction of Israel and the stubbornness of the people. Of course we cannot forget about Job who lost everything he had. If we were supposed to keep it all quiet, then why did God put all of this in the Bible? I believe that He put it in there to show us that is it ok to struggle and that when we do we have somewhere to go with it. God made us for relationships, a relationship with Him, and relationships with each other. When we are struggling with mental health issues it helps so much to know that we are not alone and that someone cares. These stories, in the Bible, of people struggling with their mental health are there to show us that we are not alone. Not only do we have a wonderful loving God to go to in our time of need, but hopefully we have someone in our life who we can go to for comfort and who will walk alongside us. This is one reason I share about my mental health struggles, and all my struggles, so that people know that they are not alone, that there is someone out there who knows what they are going through. Let’s allow people to talk about their mental health without jumping to shaming or shutting them down. This helps them to feel heard and helps you to understand them better.  And that is the beauty in the ashes of it.

           

“To console those who mourn in Zion. To give them beauty for ashes. The oil of joy for mourning. The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.”

Isaiah 61:3