Rough Week

             I don’t know about y’all, but this has been a rough week for me. I have been incredibly exhausted all week, I have had to go somewhere every day this week and have had GI issues every day this week. It just hasn’t let up. I look back at where I was 8 years ago, or 4 years ago, or even 1 year ago and I’m so thankful at how far God has brought me. I’m convinced that God is leading me to pursue a degree in psychology and to become a licensed professional counselor. God was moving mountains in my life before I even knew that there were mountains that needed moving. There are still some mountains that need moving, does anyone know where I can get a little over $4,000 for summer semester tuition, but I know that God will move them. Until then I’m going to keep doing what God has for me to do, and keep praying for God’s wisdom, guidance, and provision.

    One mountain that God has moved for me over the years is in self-care. I am more aware of the need of self-care now, and I practice self-care more now than I ever have. Something as simple as sitting on my back porch, where I am now, listening to the birds sing and feeling the breeze blowing does so much for me. God speaks to me and ministers to me through His creation. It refreshes me and renews my spirit in so many ways. I also like to do simple exercises. I don’t have to do an hour of strenuous exercise every day. Even if I do 10 minutes of stretching and body strength exercises that’s still movement and it’s still better than doing nothing. I must listen to my body and when it tells me I can only do so much then that’s what I do. God wants us to be good stewards of what He gave us, that includes the bodies that He gave us. Our bodies are His temple after all.

    I think one reason this week has been so rough is because I wasn’t doing a good job at self-care or listening to what my body needed. Now that I’m aware of this, I’m going to take care of myself and get back to better self-care so that I can move on even better and stronger than I was before. Now that I know better, I can do better. That is the beauty in the ashes of it.  

 

 

“To console those who mourn in Zion. To give them beauty for ashes. The oil of joy for mourning. The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.”

Isaiah 61:3

 

 

An Anniversary of Sorts

 Tomorrow, April 17, will be 8 years since I had a tracheotomy surgery. This was an extremely traumatic time for me, not only the surgery itself, but an emergency surgery I had to have several days after to stop bleeding, and the recovery period was traumatic also. I do believe that it shows I have healed some when I couldn’t remember the exact date of the tracheotomy, if it was the 17^th or the 18^th. I had to go back to the very beginning of my blog posts, where I blogged about that time, to check the date. I do still have some healing to do, though.

Did you know that trauma can sometimes trigger autoimmune diseases? I’m currently reading a book on this subject called The Biology of Trauma by Aimie Apigian, MD. I’m not too far into it yet, but so far it’s really good. Trauma throws our bodies off balance and disrupts our immune system. It’s no wonder I have so many autoimmune diseases and so many chronic health issues. This is another reason that I want to pursue a career in mental health counseling, so that I can help others who have experienced trauma and chronic health issues. Maybe if the trauma gets worked through, and as it heals, the health issues will be better dealt with as well.

As I look back over the past 8 years, I thank God for always being with me and for giving me what I needed to get through everything. Even as I look back over the past year, I can see how far I have come and how God has orchestrated things in my life to put me exactly where I needed to be to do what I need to do and what I want to do. While my health struggles have been extremely hard, I am thankful for all that they have taught me and, especially, for how much closer they have brought me to God. And that, my friends, is the beauty in the ashes of it.

 

“To console those who mourn in Zion. To give them beauty for ashes. The oil of joy for mourning. The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.”

Isaiah 61:3

 

 

Gearing Up for Battle

 In the life of a Christian, the enemy is constantly looking for somewhere to attack. The Bible tells us in 1 Peter 5:8, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” We must stay alert and be ready for the enemy’s attacks. We must always be ready for battle. In Ephesians 6:10-18, we read, “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.14Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints.” There are a few things I would like to point out about these verses.

  The first thing I want to point out is in verse 12 above. We are not fighting against flesh and blood; we are fighting spiritual battles. This means we need to fight with spiritual weapons. These verses give us our armor and our spiritual weapons to fight with. These weapons are the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the spirit, and prayer. These are our armor and our weapons against the enemy. They are our offense and our defense.

            The second thing I want to point out is that most of these pieces of armor are defensive, rather than offensive. Most scholars state that there are six pieces of armor, but I agree with Priscilla Shirer. In her study of the Armor of God, she states that prayer is the seventh piece of armor. Out of these seven pieces of armor 5 are defensive: the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith, and the helmet of salvation. There are only two offensive pieces of armor: the sword of the Spirit and prayer. Although I would argue that prayer could be both defensive and offensive, but that’s for another blog post. Our best offense is a good defense, and we must start our defense early.

            We cannot wait until we are in the middle of a spiritual attack to start suiting up; we must be ready when the attack arrives. That means praying now (Matthew 26:41), being assured of our salvation (John 5:24), being faithful to God and His Word (1 Sanuel 12:24), reading God’s Word (Hebrews 4:12), going to church  (Hebrews 10:25), serving Him and others (Matthew 25:40-45), and worshiping Him in spirit and in truth (John 4:24). When we align ourselves with God, He clothes us in His spiritual armor. That is how we prepare for spiritual battle. We must go on the defensive now, get down on our knees (or whatever your preferred posture of prayer is) in prayer and pray earnestly for God to walk before you through these battles, to guide you and give you wisdom, and that you would glorify and honor Him through it all. God has promised that He is always with us (Matthew 28:20) and will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). We may face hard battles, but God is there, and He will give us what we need when we need it. And that’s the beauty in the ashes of it.

 

 

“To console those who mourn in Zion. To give them beauty for ashes. The oil of joy for mourning. The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.”

Isaiah 61:3

             

 

Forgiveness

 Forgiveness is a tough thing for many people. I have struggled with it myself. I wanted to share a few things that I have learned about forgiveness in my journey to forgive several people in my life. I have had people ask me how I can forgive for the horrible things done to me. Well, it has been hard. It has taken a lot of tears and a lot of prayer. The most important thing is to ask God to help you. First, I asked God to help me to want to forgive, then I asked Him to help me to forgive. The first step of wanting to forgive is the hardest step, but of course none of it is easy.  

            One thing that I learned that really surprised me is that forgiveness is not a one-time thing. The enemy will continue to bring up the offense to you, so that you will get angry and bitter all over again. Then you must choose to forgive again. Satan is really sneaky about this too. You will be doing so good, living your life, not even thinking about the grievance that was committed against you, then all of a sudden, it’s right there in your face, the trauma, pain, and shame is there all over again, and so is the anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness. It’s like you are right where you started again. This is where you must choose to forgive again. I have experienced this by having to forgive my parents for the neglect and abuse that they have put me through throughout my life. I can be living my life not even thinking about them when something will trigger me, and the pain of abandonment, neglect, or abuse from my childhood comes crashing back to me. It is then that I must choose to forgive them all over again.

            Something that many people do not realize is that forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation, and it does not mean that you must open the door to a relationship where you are consistently getting hurt. You are allowed to set boundaries, and you are allowed to close the door to a relationship if it is needed, but this should not be done hastily or without lots of prayer. For example, my biological mother told me that she did not have to abide by my boundaries because she gave birth to me and boundaries do not apply to her and she can do whatever she wants. This is when I realized that, although I forgave her, I cannot have a relationship with her, as much as that hurt me to do.

Boundaries are biblical, and necessary to a healthy relationship. We also must wield boundaries correctly. We cannot just expect someone to know what our boundaries are, it is our responsibility to communicate our boundaries effectively. Matthew 18:15-17 says, “¹⁵ “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. ¹⁶ But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ ¹⁷ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.” We must communicate with others how we feel, and how we want to be treated.

            Forgiveness is very important to our lives. If we don’t forgive then that unforgiveness is like a poison slowly killing us. It burns us from the inside out, making us angry and bitter with the whole world. Not only that, but Matthew 6:15 says, “but if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Ephesians 4:32 says “and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” These verses tell us that forgiveness isn’t just for others, it’s for us as well. Because God has forgiven us our sins, we must also forgive others their sins. I know it’s not easy, but nothing really worth doing is easy.