Reassessing My Life

Lately I have been reassessing my goals, habits, and hobbies. There are some hobbies that I have decided to set aside, at least for now. I have also picked up a new hobby, or maybe this can be considered adding to a present hobby. I really enjoy writing, whether it be writing my thoughts and feelings in a journal, blogging, or writing book reviews, it is something that brings me pleasure. I have recently added in writing poetry. I mostly write haikus, and they are mostly my thoughts and feelings in life. I have wrote some that are deep and depressing and also some that are praise and worship to our amazing God. It helps so much just to get those thoughts and feelings out, even if nobody ever reads them but me. I’m going to try to share some every once in a while. I’m contemplating on what I can do with my love of writing.  I definitely want to use it to help others, as I would love to do with this blog. I’m not sure who reads these posts, although I do get several views on each one. I do hope that by being authentic, and by sharing my life, my thoughts and feelings, and the lessons that I have learned, that these blog posts may help others with what they may be struggling with themselves. I have decided that I’m just going to put it out there. I’m not going to hide the struggles that I’m going through and try to make my life look anything other than what it is. I’m going to be vulnerable and authentic because I know that somewhere out there is someone who is going through something similar, and hopefully will be encouraged and will know that they are not alone. 

I have also been working on a reoccurring theme in my life, courage. There is an Irish word, Misneach, which means courage or spirit(as in having spirit or being spirited). I eventually want to have that word tattooed on my right forearm, but until then I have it at the front of my brain most times. I do have to admit that there are many times that I do not use the courage that God has given me. I get afraid and I don’t push through that fear and do it anyways. I’m not too proud of myself during these times, but all I can do is to get up, brush myself off, and try again. I guess this theme can also be part of my writing. It takes courage to be authentic. There is always the fear of people not liking you because you are not who they want you to be. Those people’s opinions, of who you should be, don’t matter. I’m going to try my best to be the person that God has made me to be, and not who anyone else thinks I should be. I know I’m going to fail, and that fear will sometimes win, but I’m going to keep persevering and allow God to use me through all of it. Now how about some haikus to finish off this post. They aren’t amazing or anything, but they come from my heart. 

I’m so exhausted 

I feel like a truck hit me

I’m tired of this

My tummy hurts too

The bathroom is my best friend

I’m tired of this

Can I sleep today

No there are things to be done

I’m tired of this

I’m tired of this

I want to have energy

And not hurt so much

I’m learning to love me

Being kind to my future self

And giving grace too

Compassion is rare

I need it now more than ever

I deserve it too

That small girl unloved

Needs to feel so much love now

To know she is safe

Her thoughts and emotions

Just as valid as anyone’s

She deserves kindness

God is there with me

He is always by my side

I’m thankful for Him

He is there for me

He gives strength that I need

I’m grateful for Him

When I lie awake

He is holding me so tight

I’m thankful for Him

Jehovah the Lord

Immanuel God with us

El Roi God who sees

El Shamma God hears

Yahweh I Am Who I Am

Jireh the Lord provides

Rapha the Lord heals

Elohim creator God

My God always there