Getting To Know Myself

 I used to think that I didn’t mind being alone, but I have realized that I am wrong. A few weeks ago I told my self that, although I don’t like going places alone, I didn’t mind being alone. Yesterday, I realized that I do not like being alone. I’m wondering if this comes from being neglected, and, essentially, abandoned as a child. Maybe it comes from something else, or maybe from multiple sources. I really don’t know. What’s really strange about this is that, although I don’t like being alone, when things get rough I tend to isolate myself. It may be a, I’m going to leave you before you leave me, kinda thing. When things get rough I begin to feel like I’m a burden and nobody wants to deal with my mess. I remember spending a lot of time alone as I was growing up, and I have never really had many friends. I felt that my feelings didn’t matter, or they were a burden to those around me, so I turned into my turtle shell, and isolated myself from others. It’s funny how, the thing I don’t like, is the thing I do when I absolutely shouldn’t. It is when things are rough that I need people the most. That’s another trauma thing that I need to work through, with God’s help. As I’m learning more about myself, I’m revealing more and more trauma issues, and more things that need to be healed. That’s a good thing though, because what I don’t acknowledge can’t be healed.