Generational Curses

   I had a therapy appointment this morning. We mostly talked about what has been going on, in my life, the past month. Then we started discussing my bio mom, and some texts I received from her a few weeks ago. A little background on my bio mom. My parents divorced when I was 3, and my dad had custody of me. She lost contact with us when I was 6, and I didn’t know her or speak with her again until I was 18. The relationship has been extremely rocky. She is narcissistic, and verbally and emotionally abusive. It took me a long time to start setting boundaries with her, and she didn’t like it when I did. I have gone “no contact” with her several times, and after a while I would try again. The attempts to have a healthy relationship with her never went well. Two years ago, I went “no contact” again, and, other than a quick Happy Mother’s Day text, we haven’t spoken. Until a few weeks ago when she texted me. She wanted something from me, and when I wouldn’t give it to her, she started attacking me and became verbally abusive. I ended up having to block her number, she has been blocked on all social media for many years. So, I was telling my therapist about this, and I told her that I hated going “no contact”, and I hated having to block my bio mom. I really want a, healthy, relationship with her, but I don’t want this toxic relationship that we now have. One thing I have learned, when dealing with my bio mom, is that if I continue the toxic relationship with her, then I end up lashing out and say or do things I shouldn’t. It is more Christian, and more loving, to go “no contact” so that I don’t disrespect God, by disrespecting her. Aside from that, God doesn’t want me to stay in an busier relationship. When people threw stones at Jesus, He didn’t stand there and take it. He walked away. 

   I also had to go “no contact” with my step mom, who raised me. I realized, a few years back, that you can heal in the same toxic environment that hurt you. If I continued to allow her emotional and verbal abuse in my life, then I wouldn’t be able to heal from that emotions and verbal abuse, as well as from the neglect that I endured during my childhood. She passed away in May of 2024, and it really hurt my heart. I did still love her, even though she was abusive. It’s weird how that works. I did end up getting to tell her I loved her, and thank her for raising me. She was 20 years older than my dad, and had already raised 5 kids. She didn’t have to take me on as well, but she did, and I recognize that, and thank her for that.  I fully believe that she had severe mental health issues, and that is what caused her to be abusive to me. This isn’t an excuse. Her mental health issues don’t excuse her abuse, but it does help me to understand her more.

   As I am awaiting my first grand baby, our youngest is expecting in January, so I reflect on my mothers. I didn’t have a happy childhood, and I have never, really, had a mother figure who wasn’t abusive. I am healing from this abuse, and while I haven’t been the best mom myself, I do know that I have been better than my mothers were to me, and I want my girls to be even better moms than I was. As I am healing, I hope that I am, at least, loosening the chains on the generational curses that have been passed on through my family. I pray for my girls, that they can completely break those chains, and be free from those generational curses. I know that, with God, anything is possible. He can heal all kinds of emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, and relational wounds, and I know that He is with me, healing my wounds, and He is with my girls, healing their wounds as well.