Just Some Thoughts

 I have been struggling to decide what to write about this week. I finally settled on writing my thoughts from the past few weeks. As you know, my husband and I just came home from a trip to Texas to visit our daughter, son-in-law, and new granddaughter. About halfway through the trip I was hit with dizziness, vertigo, and fatigue. That was on top of the, usual, stomach issues. It’s no fun trying to have fun on a trip, when you are dealing with all of that. The trip home was miserable as well. We got home on a Sunday, and immediately I had appointments scheduled for Monday and Tuesday, due to poor planing on my part. The Tuesday appointment was with my primary doctor, and I asked her to check my b12 levels, because I thought the dizziness, vertigo, fatigue, and tingling through my body was due to low b12, and she agreed to test it. I didn’t get the results back until Saturday, but by Saturday it had gotten so bad I had already decided I was going to our local urgent care and getting a b12 shot. My husband and I are making plans to do some light remodeling, and went to Home Depot, on Saturday, to look at some stuff. The vertigo was so bad that I couldn’t deal with walking around the store, and we had to leave. It turns out my b12 levels are not low, but they are borderline, and that can cause symptoms the same as if they are low. If they are only borderline, and the symptoms are that bad, I would hate to see how bad they would get if the levels actually got low. Anyways, I got the b12 shot, but it took a few days for me to feel any kind of difference. Tuesday I felt better, and was able to get some cleaning done, but I ate something my stomach didn’t like and it got really mad at me, and kept me up Tuesday night. I didn’t get much done on Wednesday, except for getting Sally, our robot vacuum, running to sweep the floors, Thursday I got some more cleaning done. It’s not a lot for a non-chronic illness person, but it’s a lot for me. 

My husband and I have been making a lot of plans for traveling, especially after he retires, and for remodeling, and sprucing up our home. Something that keeps running through my head is, “how are we going to do any of that with my health the way that it is?”  I don’t just have one or two chronic illnesses, I have several chronic illnesses. I, also, have several nutrient deficiencies, and at least 2 of the chronic illnesses affect my diet. It’s a struggle, some days, just to get out of bed, and take care of my basic every day things. Imagine you have the flu, and you feel horrible. Now, imagine that you still have to get up, and do everything that you would usually have to do on a daily basis, and you have to do this every day. That is what a chronic illness sufferer has to deal with. 

I don’t like being a negative Nancy all the time. I try to be positive, and to reframe my thinking. I try to give myself grace, and compassion. Most importantly I try to not compare myself to anybody else. It’s a struggle every day. I know that God is  with me, and I’m so thankful for that. I also know that there is so much to be thankful for. That is one reason that I do a daily gratitude post on my blog’s Facebook page. I want to stay positive, and encouraging, but sometimes I also have to be real, and let it out there. I know that sometimes people think that there is always something with me. If it isn’t one thing it’s something else, or it’s 15 somethings. I get that, and I feel that way myself at times. All I can say is bear with me, pray for me, and love me. If you struggle with chronic illnesses, or anything else that makes life a struggle, know that you are not alone. There are people who get it, who understand. I definitely get it.